Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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