So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
