I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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