im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
