he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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