at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
