3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
