she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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