I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
