shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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