Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize