We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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