Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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