now i know why i became what i already was.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it glows. i had to have it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
