Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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