Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
