from now on my penis is your penis
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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