Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
