i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
