She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
