I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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