His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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