He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
