is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
