i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Bring me that man meat
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
