I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize