Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
