I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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