i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The power of my boobs compel you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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