I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
