she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
