I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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