she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
