It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
