Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
