she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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