I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize