she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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