I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Pants are for mortals
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
