She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
