You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
