I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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