Swine flu. Run for my life!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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