i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
