My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
