Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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