My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize