I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
