I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
God, I missed his penis.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
