At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
