Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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