I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize