fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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