I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
