So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
