I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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