one might say we're banned from that church
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
