He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
