Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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