Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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